We are men who are pondering on how to increase attendance. We have seen the visitor hanging out in the periphery. Does he want to be approached and recognized? We may have seen someone sufficiently self conscious to be almost unable to perform in a ritual. We may have known someone who did not want to come back because of personality conflicts. Have we experienced an incident when someone just disappeared? How might all of this be fixed? Brotherhood is the answer. The following will be a cheer leading session about things you already know and will encourage you to recognize and follow a game plan that will increase success. In this presentation, there are quotes and references from literature and popular culture. They are used to help you to remember the things being taught.
“Hear me now and believe me later.”, Hans and Franz of Saturday Night Live once said. We complain about poor attendance and say that we do not know how to fix it. We can fix it. If you do not believe that now, believe it later after you have worked towards accomplishing the fix. If you try some new behaviors, it might not be easy, but there will be solutions to challenges. You might like what you are about to hear now, apply some of it, and see some changes. Believe in and expect positive things to happen. For major things to occur, there must be faith and intent first.
Before a general consideration of attendance and how to engineer an increase, it might be advantageous to look at some of the potential reasons why we attend our meetings. The list presented is not meant to be complete and could certainly have other reasons added to it.
1. More knowledge and understanding
2. Influence of a relative
3. Desire to become a better person
4. Duty to an office
5. Brotherhood
6. Camaraderie
7. Accomplishment of goals
8. Curiosity
Before you can work to encourage attendance, you should decide why you are attending regularly, infrequently, or not at all. You will be better able to help someone else after you know why you are doing what you do. We might compare this to instructions pertaining to some kinds of emergencies in which you are advised to care for yourself first before trying to help another person.
There have been discussions in our meetings concerning how to encourage attendance. We have talked about having educational presentations and perhaps even doing things that are entertaining. There are, though, intrinsic reasons to be at our meetings. Meetings can seem overly repetitive to some and maybe even just plain boring. One should remember that being bored is a choice. There is always something that may be learned, or reinforced through paying attention to words and details. Perhaps there is an intonation in the voice of a presenter that you have not heard before, or an emphasis on a word that you have not yet pondered. There is a stabilizing influence through attendance. In our unsettled and dangerous world there is value in knowing that when you attend, there is going to be a comforting constancy. You are going to know what to expect and it is going to positively impact your life. Recognize this and appreciate the value if it.
Let us consider empathy. There was an evening a few days ago when a man was approached by a brother who looked him directly in the eyes and asked, “How are you?”. The second knew exactly what was meant because of interactions that they had in the near past. One was experiencing a serious health challenge. The other had a family member with a similar challenge. They, during their several conversations, offered help and prayers. There was no need for explanation of the greeting, “How are you?”. The brother was saying that he was there. He understood. He would do anything that he could in spite of his own problem to help his brother to get through a rough time. When we know each other as more than just fellow attendees, we are encouraged to want to be present with them. We are all brothers in one sense because of our initial acceptance and eventual formal addition to the fraternity, but there is more. We know that we need to be aware of and act upon fulfilling others needs. We might want to return to meetings for more than ritual and business.
May we look at acceptance? Students of counseling are taught to practice unconditional acceptance of clients. Will Rogers, a famous public personality of the last century is quoted as saying, “I never met a man I didn’t like. “. Was that unconditional acceptance? You might not like who some people are, or what they do, but you can at least start with finding at least one thing that you like about them. Accept them for who they are in spite of how different they may be from you. In the film Crocodile Dundee, an interesting story was presented. Dundee stated that where he came from there was not any need for professional counselors. When someone had a problem, pretty soon everyone knew about it. Then it was not a problem any more. Was he referring to unconditional acceptance?
Unfortunately many will not reveal their problems due to experiences where people have taken advantage of them through knowledge of their imperfections and weaknesses. They may have accepted seriously what Geoffrey Chaucer, a 12th century author, said about knowledge of one person about another. He stated, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” . We have no doubt heard some say, “That’s too much information.”as a caution to a person who has crossed over a line into revealing excessive information. Both of these cautions are totally valid in general world affairs. Conversely, in the development of brotherhood, there can be level of familiarity that is somewhere between extremes of too little and too much information. Share what you feel comfortable with and maybe even take a chance. Find the balance that you and others can accept. The common experiences that you and someone else share may be determining factors that contribute to bringing you both back to the next meeting.
Let us now go on to connection. If you have been an evangelist, or in sales, you may have received advice and, or training in getting a rapport established with those who you wish to successfully work with. We know that sharing information about work, family, daily life, hobbies, and so on can be productive in opening lines of communication. Are you willing to get creative? A member was once frustrated at the lack of conversation among a group at a meal and decided to present an off the wall question. It went something like, “Have any of you all ever skinned a squirrel?” The response was interesting. He learned of at least two more people in addition to himself who had skinned a squirrel. They connected. This might have opened up channels for more significant information exchange.
Think about the things that you might talk about. Your list might sound like a scene from the movie, Forrest Gump when Bubba was describing ways to eat shrimp. Since people are different, you should be ready for all kinds of discussion. Your pre-established list could include diversity such as the weather, sports, family, sweet corn, ground hogs, ticks, chiggers, 7.62 X 39 ammunition, stories of military service, welding, carpentry, public school education, the local university, sacred geometry, gastric bypasses, prostate problems, diets, hobbies, Windows versus Linux, cooking, ketchup on boiled okra, chicken processing, supply chains, cell phone apps, auto mechanics, flux capacitors, disagreements about the DSM V, concrete, epigenetics, string theory, and pandemics. Brothers want to know who you are and what you are interested in. They want to discuss what is important to you and to them. This can make them want to be at the next meeting. They will be there for more important things too.
We may continue with the connection concept doubly so with people checking out our group with the intent of applying for membership? They do not know who we really are and may be somewhat intimidated by all of the men they see who are connected by a bond of some sort that they do not yet understand. These visitors are very likely to want this connection. Break loose from your usual visiting and engage investigators in conversation. A brother recently did this not knowing what to expect. As it tuned out, the investigator and he had some common experiences and eventually discussed how to keep from feeling turned inside out by the after taste that accompanies drinking of a kale smoothie. Who would have expected that? They connected. The investigator actually had a solution for the phenomenon and shared it with the member. One would hope that this exchange might contribute to reasons for the investigator returning for more conversation and to turn in his petition for membership. We could have faith that the paperwork might be submitted, accepted, and the investigator become a prospective member. And who might expect that kale smoothies could play a role in this transformation?
Lets us now talk about a specific brother who has passed to the other side of The Veil. He was, it seemed, always there to help others to drill on required memory work. His office was a concrete seat under an overhang at the entrance to our building. A seemingly endless procession of coffee refills accompanied his lessons. It was an honor to go get another pot of coffee started for him with his admonition of not forgetting to add salt to the brew. He might have called you a ( ) if you chose to put creamer in your coffee, or were timid about formally proving your proficiency, but that all was just fine coming from him. He was much like Will Rogers. This man had endless acceptance and patience. He tirelessly worked to assist in helping those who strove for advancement. He might have taken breaks from drills to talk about big red trucks, fire hoses and self contained breathing apparatuses, but was always ready to get back to his other kind of lessons. How many brothers continued to attend meetings because of him? He helped them to build feelings of accomplishment as they successfully did their memory work. If you can, be this kind of brother. If you have a talent for teaching, do it. They will come back for more.
We should consider recognition. How many people in your local group and other groups can you call by name? Are they able to call you by name? Have you expressed appreciation for their presence? Have they expressed appreciation for your presence? You might recall a past popular television series as a model. Cheers illustrated something basic to most of us. It is the need to be recognized and appreciated. At the bar, people knew the names of those who who came through the doors and expressed appreciation. They shared accomplishments and problems. The customers returned for more than just beer. Could we learn from this? Some will say, “I’m bad with names and just can’t remember ”. Visit with people for a while and learn something about them. Take a recording in your mind of a conversation and associate something in it that helps you to recall a name. A short time ago a brother made an effort to remember the name of someone who he had interacted with a few times, but had not called by name. The other brother had a physical characteristic in common with someone from history whose name was identical. The name was also the middle name of a son of the man trying to remember the name. That should have adequately primed his memory. Perhaps this seems overly convoluted, but some people need this. How about something as basic a writing names down? Keep a paper in your pocket and write down the name of a person you want to remember. Did you hear about David Starr Jordan, an ichthyologist and founding president of Harvard who once had a goal of remembering a large number of students by name? He reported that every time he memorized the name of a student, he forgot the name of a fish, so he stopped trying to remember students’ names. We all seem to have a limitation that is like a cell phone that keeps dropping off old text messages as new ones are added. This could be fixed with a piece of paper and a pencil, or some kind of life association. The goal for us is attainable. We should not feel overwhelmed if even a renowned scientist had problems with remembering names. He undoubtedly had more names to try to remember than we do and had a good reason to keep the fish names cataloged in his memory. We can probably accomplish our goals through just a little more effort. A person you acknowledge and appreciate for their attendance may be back to the next meeting because you know their name and you are glad they came.
Let us celebrate the brothers who seem to live for our activities. They lead, they serve, they take up the slack, and we don’t know how they manage to do it all. Their actions encourage us all to be present. Look to them when you feel like taking time off from attendance in favor of something less important. Your actions will be noticed and will be a valid sacrifice of your time as well as a gift that may benefit others who are observing your participation. They may want to be like you and the celebrated brothers. Lead by following and others will follow you.
Let us continue the discussion about believing in attainable attendance goals. A brother was cutting seed heads off of Russian thistles a few days ago and had to consider a lesson that they teach to us. We need to believe that our goals are attainable. Russian thistles seem to know that they have attainable goals and do not give up. Most have heard a story about the faith of a mustard seed. Mustard seeds are exceedingly small, yet they grow. Russian thistles can be cut down and put into a pile and will not give up. As they dry, seemingly non-viable seed heads will, to our chagrin, release fluffy seeds that go seemingly everywhere to make more plants next season. Take a lesson from mustard and thistle plants. Faith and perseverance may make a huge difference.
What about service? We may “take ownership” of the work of our organization by committing to jobs that need to be done. You will be there if you take ownership seriously. Accept, if you can, a job that you are asked to do. If you volunteer, try to get someone to volunteer along with you. They will have to attend to fulfill their promises to you, and latter maybe because of ownership and because they want to.
Take things seriously, but allow yourself and others to be imperfect humans. Do your best to be as perfect as you can, but accept your frailties. One evening about 10:30 following a long meeting, a brother was just plain sleepy and tired. When a call came to perform some symbolic responses, he messed up and probably appeared comical to a person sitting across from him on the opposite side of the building. He may have looked like a stressed mariner trying unsuccessfully to use signal flags to send a message to a nearby ship. The brother indicated by sign language that he recognized the other brother’s impaired state. The tired brother just nodded in confirmation. This could have been a mortifying ego-bruising event, or just what is was. It can happen to anyone. Don’t let imperfections make you not want to show up at the next meeting. Don’t let someone else feel bad enough about their humanness to not want to reveal it again. We should just accept, laugh, and go on. We are all in this together and trying to be better. The more we attend, the more we can perfect our work.
Am I my brother’s keeper? Should we ask if a brother who is not in attendance, is absent by choice, or simply because he needs a ride? Perhaps a domestic partner cannot be left a home alone for several hours. A brother may have hay in the field that has to be put up before an impending rain storm. Could you buck bales for a few hours to generate time for him? Do you have a way to fix an ailing vehicle? How would you know about brothers’ needs. Go back and think about the Bubba-related list if you have to. Just a little encouragement and, or physical help may be all that is needed.
Let us summarize these ideas. What can you do?
1. Be there.
2. Be the person people want to be around.
2. Be a brother.
3. Be reachable.
4. Be a teacher.
5, Be the person who knows their names and is glad they came.
5. Be a person who cares.
6. Take ownership.
6. Be a person who doesn’t give up.
7. Do your best.
8. Help when needed.
Most of us have read that faith without works is dead. Have faith and do the work. Have faith in the work of Brotherly Love. We can spread seeds of brotherly love that will germinate into fields of attendance.
This article was published in the November 2023 edition of the Voice of the Orient.
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